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A difficult and disturbing day
 I've known for a while now that today would be a very hard day for me- it's the one year anniversary of my mother's death.  It's hard to believe it's been a year, that she's been gone for so long, but at the same time, it often feels like she died long before that.  My mother was not herself for a very long time, the cancer was just killing her from the inside out for so long.  Even a full year later, I still wonder what would have happened if she'd only gone to the doctor sooner, if she hadn't put it off over and over again until it was much too late.

Dad and I went to the cemetery today, and a difficult day became worse.  There was an enormous hole in front of the headstone, at least 2 feet deep, and probably that much around.  It was horrifying to see that.  We went right over to the office and the woman told us it sometimes happens, that the ground erodes for various natural causes.  That may be, but we pay for groundskeeping- did no one on the staff catch sight of this?  If we hadn't come out today, would it have just stayed that way?  It's a beautiful cemetery, and very well kept, and to see this was just  horrifying.  

I also want to thank everyone who commented to my previous post, where I talked about my possible mid-ear infection that has lead to some odd dizzy like symptoms.  I took one of the pills today, something called Advert, and I hope it helps.  I want to thank you guys for your kindness and concern.  It really does make me feel better.

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I'm glad you're feeling better, but sorry it was a rough day, Andi.


It really was, Ash. I'm so glad to have friends like you. You guys always make me feel better. *Huge hugs*

I'm sorry for your difficult day. I know how you feel. It's hard when the anniversary dates of a loved one comes up. You spend day after day, trying to not be thinking about it and then on the anniversary it just all sort of hits you at once. It can be overwhelming. Hang in there. We all love you. :-)

Thank you, sweetie. I'll be online for a little while longer if you want to chat. And I commented on your icons, too. They were really lovely.

*hugs* A very sad anniversary. I wonder all the time how it would've turned out if both our mothers had gone to the doctor sooner.

I hate that you had to see the grave that way.

I think that's something we'll both have to live with, unfortunately. *Huge hugs*

It was horrible, Maddie, to see that large gaping hole. These horrible thoughts kept going through my head, what if I see the coffin? Going there was hard enough in and of itself, but then this on top of it- they'd better fix it.

Thank you, sweetie. *Hugs back tightly*

Thank you, Suz. *Huge hugs*

I don't really know what to say that will best help you, so instead, I'll just offer hugs. I watched my grandfather die of cancer, and I saw how horrible it was for him, and so in a sense, I've been there, but not with a parent. I wish there was some balm I could offer. *hugs again tightly*

It's incredibly difficult when someone you love is dying in front of you, no matter who it is. Such a terrible thing for you to see. I'm sorry for your loss, too. Thank you very much for your compassion and sympathy, sweetie. It means the world to me. *Huge hugs*

You're very welcome. It's the least I can do, to be there for you in a trying time!

Thank you so much. *Hugs back*

*thinking of you and sending love and hugs*

I'm so sorry you had to go through that at your mother's grave. And I hope you feel better soon.

Thank you for all of your good thoughts.

Thank you. *Hugs back*

Good luck with the pills - I hope they make the difference. And I'm sorry about the whole around your mother's headstone - that would have shocked and disturbed me as well.

It certainly was a shock. We'll call the cemetery next week, make sure they actually fixed the hole. They'd better.

I just took my second pill- I hope they work. Keep your fingers crossed for me, sweetie.

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*Hugs back*

Thank you, sweetie. I really hope so.

I'm sorry you and your dad found that hole at the cemetery! I'm sure natural subsidence does occur, especially recently with the rain/snow and temperature fluctuations, but they really need to be on the ball and catch it immediately when it happens. You were in poor spirits already because of this very sad anniversary, you didn't need that stress, too.

I hope you're feeling better today and that your dad's doing well, too.

I'm doing better today. I'm calmer, I think the pills are helping the vertigo, and Dad is doing okay, too. I just wish the cemetery had been more observant. We paid them a lot of money, with more to come for the perpertual care. They need to be, as you so very aptly put it, on the ball.

This is the time of the year when my life boils itself down to two things: work and sleep. I haven't been online since Monday (the President's Day holiday which saw me spending 10 hours at the office). I'm likely to disappear again for the next week, but wanted to at least leave you a late comment on your post. I'm so sorry to hear about your experience at the cemetery, and I hope that by now it's been taken care of. If not, keep after them, or maybe delegate the job to one of your other relatives if it's too stressful for you and your dad and your sister. *HUGSHUGSHUGS*

It sounds like you've been slammed lately. I do wonder about you, hoping that you're okay. And thank you for thinking of me, I'm very touched and grateful. *Huge, huge hugs*

We'll call the cemetery on Tuesday. Dad wants to talk to the director of the place, make sure everything is taken care of.

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