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and it starts
luvmax1
Dad made plans to get together with Ruth tomorrow night, so of course she calls tonight at 6 while we're eating to ask Dad over (or tell him), and of course he says yes. He was gone by 7:30. Funny, no one is allowed to call him when he's over there, but she always manages to call here whenever we're eating dinner. What a coincidence.

I asked Dad if he was going to talk to Ruth about all of the things he talked to me and his therapist about- setting boundaries, more time at home, etc. He said of course, but maybe not tonight. Or tomorrow night. Right.

So basically, nothing is going to change. He might think things will change, but they won't. She gets her claws in pretty deep, that one, and she holds on for dear life and Dad just puts up with it because it's easier than fighting with her. Fighting with her doesn't get him laid. My sister aked him what the hell he was thinking, getting back together with Ruth, and he went on and on about how he loves and misses her. I felt like vomiting.

Really, it's kind of my own fault, for thinking things were going to change. It's been so great these past few weeks. Dad was normal again, not so moody and all over the place, and I really thought he had accepted that it was over. I should have known it was too good to be true. It's not like I can afford to move out or away, so I'm stuck here. Dad says he won't be bringing her back into the house, since we can't get along. First off, that had better be the case, and secondly, I hate when he puts it like that. From day one I have tried to get along with this crazy bitch. I never once started a fight with her. But she hates me and she wants me gone and nothing I do will ever be right in here eyes. And I am beyond furious with my father for bringing this nutcase back into my life again.

Why does this keep happening to me? I'm not a perfect person, but I can't think of anything I've done that's so horrible that I have to keep going through this. I really feel like I'm losing my mind.

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Could you live with your sister?

I don't think so. She doesn't have the space, or the desire to have me there, really, and truth be told, I like Florida. I would rather not move back to New York.

OMG, I cannot believe this. I'm so sorry you have to face this again. You're a really sweet person and you don't deserve to be treated this way, especially in your own house. I feel so helpless, and I wish I could do something to help. Surely he knows there are other women with whom he could have sex?

He wants her, for what godawful reason I can't imagine. She's a classic, textbook abuser, so I guess that makes him a textbook victim.

Thank you for your kind words, Maddie. It always makes me feel better to hear from you.

GAH. It's not you, it's him. She must hook deep into some codependent tendency he's always had lurking.

Um, how old is she? This is a horrible horrible thing to say but given they are both retired, maybe she'll die soon.

She's 70 or close to it. She seems in pretty good shape for someone her age, unfortunately.

Hon, I think you need to make some good friends and have them over to your place. Friends who happen to be attractive, single, older women.

The thing is, it seems like your dad is lonely and looking for companionship. Right now, he's seeing Ruth. But even if it wasn't her, it'd be someone else. Maybe even someone worse! (Yes, Ruth sounds impossible, but there are definitely worse choices out there.)

Just remember - you are absolutely not going to be setting your father up with women. You're simply trying to be more independent (like he's asked) by making friends. However, if someone who you like as a friend just happens to catch your father's eye... well, that's not your fault at all.

I really can't get around by myself, so meeting anyone, single, female, older or any otherwise just isn't likely right now. Everyone I know, including Dad's shrink, has told him that he's such a great guy, handsome and generous, he can have his pick of lady friends, if only he'll give himself a chance to find someone, and not settle for the first piece of paranoid trash that comes along. But he's not listening.

*hugs* That really sucks. :(

Lord, it does. *Hugs back*

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