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The Drama Continues
The sound of Dad and Ruth arguing woke me up early this morning. Shortly before he left to go fishing, Dad came into my room and told me he was going to take Ruth home right after he got back, and we'd go to the library afterwards. FIne. As long as she's gone, it's fine with me.

He came home around 10:30. I was reading and I must have dozed off. It was quiet, so I assumed they were gone. I left my room at 10:45 and found Dad in the kitchen. He said he wasn't taking Ruth home yet, they wanted to spend some time together. I said fine, can you just drop me off at the library, then? I'll call you a cab, he said.

I lost it after that. I have no objections to taking a cab, really, other than spending the money we don't have. If taking me to the library was such a problem, Dad shouldn't have agreed too in the first place. As my sister to said to him, it wasn't a problem until Ruth made it one. Then when I asked again if he could just drop me off, he looked at Ruth. I told him "you don't need her permission". So then she starts in about how I need to be more independent (True, but not her business), and how I should just walk there, it's only a couple of miles. I have no idea how many miles it, but it's NOT in walking distance, especially to someone with a bad leg and bad back and lugging a packpack full of heavy hard covered books. Dad says not a word.

I went into my room and just lost it. Crying, the whole nine yards. I've been doing that a lot lately, it seems. Dad came in shortly after and agreed to drop me off. The whole way there he kept lecturing me about being more indpendent. I tried explaining to him too that this isn't some quick process. I've lived this way for 20 years- it's not going to resolve itself in a few months. The pressure isn't helping. He also agreed that there was no way I could walk to the library- not that he said that to Ruth, of course. Cause God forbid he stand up for me. She was being reasonable, was his response. It's not her place to offer an opinion, reasonable or not. As he well knows, all she wants is me out of the house, and any concern she shows is only about that. The way he ignores and justifies her behavior astounds me. Depsite her comments, this is MY home. If she can't act respectfully, she shouldn't be here.

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It never ends. ALways more of the same.

The nerve of that woman and I am sad about your dad. :(

Hang in there!! *hugs*

I can really understand why you feel so awful, because your dad SHOULD be standing up for you. It's HIS place to say "oh be more independent Andi" not hers!

See, I don't always get on so well with my brother, and my other brother and I will criticise him etc. But by Christ nobody else gets to. If someone not in my family made a smart remark about RichBro I'd be giving them a firm SHUT UP LEAVE MY BROTHER ALONE. That's just how it is in families. The Ex-Boy used to get very annoyed with his mum, as did his sister, but no WAY would I have mocked or criticised her in the same vein. She's their MOTHER.

Ruth is clearly a stupid selfish bitch and I wish your dad would stand up to her about you more. He's obviously feeling torn, but you are his BLOOD and that never goes away.

I wonder if he realizes who'll be taking care of him when he's older and infirm. Not Ruth, that's for sure.

That's the awful thing - I am dead certain that if your dad became physically unable to gad about with her or drive her places or needed someone to clean up after him she would be GONE in a heartbeat.

I'm sure she would. She has no sense of family loyalty. That's probably why her two siblings hate her.

Sorry for the tl;dnr!

This must be so frustrating for you; I'm only reading about it and it's making me so angry!

I'm sorry, I know it's totally obnoxious for me to offer a suggestion of what you should do, I know you're doing the best you can... but may I suggest that you answer any criticism Ruth OR YOUR FATHER makes by announcing with quiet resolve, over and over, the following:

1) The only reason she's insulting you is because she wants you to move out so that she can move in and get a rent-free place to live and access to your dad's money, until his money is gone. She doesn't want you "independent", she wants you GONE.

2) Your job is to look after your dad, or you wouldn't have allowed yourself to be dragged to Florida. Looking after your dad and his welfare is YOUR JOB! And you take your job very seriously.

Repetition and calm are key, no matter what either of them says. Not loud, not angry or emotional -- just a quiet statement of fact, no divergence from your two talking points, and don't engage by replying directly to anything they say. Just repeat your two talking points. If, after a while, it starts getting intense, put in the earplugs of your iPod and play music to drown them out. IGNORE THEM when they start getting really nasty.

I'm sorry, I want so badly to help, so I'm being completely presumptuous by offering a suggestion this way. Seriously -- I know you are a very sweet, polite person who finds it hard to be rude, but this is tearing you up and you may have to defend yourself by being a teeny-tiny bit not-quite-so-polite. This isn't being overtly rude or name-calling, it's just a statement of the facts as you know them, so you might be able to do this comfortably. I hate that you're holding this in until you explode in tears, and I am sure Ruth loves making you cry, because it tells her she's winning, she's getting under your skin. I don't want her getting to you, and she obviously IS.

Question: is there a police station in the neighborhood? Could you possibly get a restraining order against her? My friend had a boyfriend who got drunk once and had a very loud, threatening verbal argument with her (no actual hitting) in her place, and her landlord made her take a retraining order out against him, or he'd evict her. Boyfriend couldn't come in the apartment or even come down the block for a year. Okay, I don't see this little old lady threatening you or you dad with physical harm, but if she ever gets out of control during these arguments.... maybe this is a possibility?

Much love & be strong! Again: apologies for being so bold as to make suggestions about what you should do. It's the frustration making me do it! I worry about you but there's literally nothing I can do to help.

Re: Sorry for the tl;dnr!

You're not being presumptuous, sweetie. It's nice to know that someone cares and is on my side. If she ever does completely lose it or get violent, I have no problem calling the police, believe me.

I'm trying to get over that ingrained niceness thing. Obviously, it's not one of her many problems. And she may want to give up her mortgage and move in here, but I don't know what fortune she thinks she's going to get- we're flat broke. We live paycheck to paycheck. She made a snide comment later about pissing Dad's money away, which might have been aimed at me, I'm not sure. It made me laugh, either way.

As they were leaving to go back to her house, around 3 PM, she poked her head in my room and asked, "still angry with me?" I couldn't even respond, I was so flabbergasted. What a crazy bitch she is.

Hi, sweetie, I just read this. I'm so sorry you're caught in this apparently never-ending nightmare. I'm sorry for your dad, too, but I'm also angry at him. Doesn't he want a woman who just wants him FOR him, not because of what he does for her? It's sad. And you're caught in the middle. *hugs*

Never ending nightmare describes it perfectly, Maddie. This has been going on since July, and it just keeps going on and on and on. I'm really at my breaking point. As mad as I am at Ruth, and that's pretty damn mad, I'm almost more angry at my father. She is who she is, but it's beause of HIM that I'm exposed to her and all of her drama, and he shows no signs that it bothers him.

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